


Ghost of the Past

by SociallyAwkwardFox



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Closure, Conversations, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, Getting Together, M/M, Party, Past Relationship(s), Slow Dancing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-01
Updated: 2020-08-01
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:28:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25642075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SociallyAwkwardFox/pseuds/SociallyAwkwardFox
Summary: When Caleb encounters a ghost from his past at a party, he gets the closure he needs for a new beginning.
Relationships: Eodwulf/Caleb Widogast, Fjord/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 8
Kudos: 82





	Ghost of the Past

Golden light from the ornate chandeliers all over the ballroom illuminated the space and reflected off the crystalline decorations. The swell of music from a band setup on a stage at the far end of the room provided the perfect background ambiance, along with drawing couples to the large dance floor in the middle of the room. While he would have loved to join the slowly growing group dancing, he contented himself to sticking by Fjord and Beau. Even though it was supposed to be an evening of enjoyment, a prickling sensation at the back of his skull kept him on edge. With the others off enjoying themselves, it seemed prudent that the three of them stayed on guard just in case something happened.

Minutes dragged on while they stood in companionable silence, until a tall human heading their way caught his attention. His breath caught in his throat at the familiar face with his dark hair still cropped short and intense gaze zeroed in on him. He wore a dark suit that showed off his muscles and the confident set of his shoulders, causing Caleb's heart to thud rapidly in his chest. Although, he knew they would cross paths again at some point, tonight hadn't been when he expected to meet.

Part of him hoped that his sure steps wouldn't land him in front of Caleb, but another part wanted to get this over with. If he didn't make a move now, Caleb would spend the rest of the night wondering when he would make his move. As he drew closer, their eyes locked and a familiar sensation settled in the pit of his stomach. For a moment, he was back at the Academy with a pair of strong hands on his waist as lips whispered a promise against his that no one else would know.

After coming to a stop in front of Caleb, he gave a formal bow, then held a hand out in invitation. “Would you join me for a dance?”

Every cell in Caleb's body screamed at him to turn and flee from him, but his feet refused to budge an inch. Just like all those years ago, the intensity in his eyes drew Caleb to him like a moth to an open flame. An elbow to the ribs kept his mind from spiraling further and had him placing his hand in the offered one before his mind caught up to him. He lifted Caleb's hand to press a kiss to the back of it, then guided him over to the dance floor by the hand.

It felt entirely too easy to fall into the proper stance with their hands clasped, his hand on Caleb's waist and Caleb's on his shoulder. As they began moving to the music, everything else around them disappeared as Caleb's focus narrowed to the man leading him around the dancefloor. He drew on every ounce of self-control he had to remain calm the longer they continued to dance. Questions danced on the tip of his tongue, but he held them back because he didn't want to be the first to speak.

When a new song started, the man finally broke the silence between them. “You look beautiful tonight, Bren. The long hair is a good look for you. It is good to see you again. I almost didn't believe it was really you, but I could never forget these eyes.”

Instead of responding, Caleb shifted his gaze to look over his shoulder at Fjord and Beau still standing where he left them. Their eyes were both watching Caleb and his dance partner, but he couldn't tell what was going through their minds at this distance. The next turn broke his line of sight drawing his attention back up to the face hovering closer to his than he remembered. When the hand on his hip lifted to cup his cheek, their feet came to a stop.

“It has been a long time, but nothing has changed for me. Trent would have you back if you wanted. You were always his greatest student, then things might fall back into place. The two of us could be together again. I still love you, Bren. That hasn't changed. We could have what we did again.”

His breath stuttered in his chest as slightly chapped lips slid over his for a slow kiss that sent his mind spinning. Memories of stolen kisses in hidden corners, the slow slide of hands along his side, breathless promises all came back to him. He moved his hand from his shoulder to the wrist of the hand on his face with the intent of pulling it away, but all it did was sit there. When he finally pulled away, Caleb could hardly breath let alone think about what he should do in response.

“Come back with me tonight. Come with me, Bren.”

“Eodwulf...”

“Bren,” His old name easily rolled off Eodwulf's tongue before he dipped down for another kiss. “will you come with me?”

“I'm not Bren. I haven't been for a long time. Even if I came back with you, I couldn't be the person you want me to be.”

“Do you think I haven't changed?”

“I don't know, but I loved you. Before the Academy, I loved you. I loved every single part of you, and I kept a lot from you because I worried you didn't love me the same. I didn't want what Trent forced on us. I wanted to teach. I wanted kids like us to realize magic isn't just for rich city people. Kids from a poor town can learn if they have the drive for it. I didn't want to be a fighter. None of it was what I wanted, but I didn't think you'd understand. I don't know if you would have loved the real me, but it felt like too much of a risk to tell you.”

“You loved me, but you didn't trust me.”

“I'm sorry.” Tears prickled at the corners of his eyes that he quickly blinked away before they could fall. “I did love you. I did. We just weren't right for each other and I was too desperate to cling to what we had to admit it.”

“Does he know who you are? All of you?”

“Who?”

“The half-orc you're in love with. The one that hasn't left your side since you arrived. Does he know?”

“I'm...”

“I see the way you look at him. You used to look at me like that. I hoped you still would.”

“I trust him. He's seen all sides of me. He's saved my life on a number of occasions, and I... I don't fear what he thinks of me because he's seen the ugly parts of me and still stands by my side. He's seen me. He sees me even when I don't want him to, and he stays.”

The hand clasping his tightened for a fraction of a second, then loosened its grip. “I hope he knows how lucky he is to have earned your love. I wish you would have given me the chance to, but maybe it's better this way. I've always been better at goodbyes.”

A bittersweet edge tinged the kiss that Eodwulf pulled him into, like a sorrowful end that had been a long time coming. As their lips broke, he stepped away from Caleb leaving their linked hands the only connection keeping them together. With a sad smile, Eodwulf let their hands drop as he turned to leave Caleb standing in the middle of the dance floor-hand still outstretched. Before he could lower it, green fingers slid between them and Fjord settled them in the same position Caleb and Eodwulf had been in. 

Unlike Eodwulf's hand on his waist, Fjord's didn't drag him into the dance, but kept him steady as they moved. They were on equal footing with each other because Fjord understood him, and he understood Fjord. There were secrets between them, but there was trust that made that a non-issue. He didn't have to pretend to be something he wasn't around Fjord. He could just be.

“I didn't expect him to just leave you like that when you were-” Fjord cleared his throat as he struggled to find the words, then switched direction. “Did you want to keep dancing?”

“His name was Eodwulf.”

“Oh, I didn't realize... Should we be worried about more of them showing up?”

“I do not know.”

“Did you want to kiss him or was he forcing himself on you?”

The tears that threatened to fall earlier came back with a vengeance as he looked at the concern etched into Fjord's face-all for him. “I loved him. A long time ago, I loved him with everything I had. He loves me, but I never showed him me. I was always too afraid that he wouldn't love me. We never worked. Not really.”

“In that case, it's his loss. You're amazing, Caleb. You're strong and brave and fierce and loyal. You deserve someone to love you for who you are, not who they want you to be.”

“I know that now. All of you helped me see that. Sometimes, I still have trouble remembering it, but you all are always there to remind me when I need it most.”

A gentle thumb wiped away the tears that stained his cheeks, then returned to his waist to give a light squeeze. As they continued to spin around the dance floor, the comforting presence of Fjord holding him together slowly brought the tears to a stop. He slid his hand along Fjord's shoulder to rest it on his throat, so he could feel the steady beating against his palm. The rhythm of his heart relaxed Caleb further into his arms, until Fjord held most of his weight with his feet barely managing the steps.

Their movement began to slow to the point they were barely swaying on the spot while the other dancers moved around them. With the lights dancing in his eyes, keeping Caleb completely entranced, Fjord gradually lowered his head to rest their foreheads together. Every breath mingled together between them and the pulse against his hand picked up, only to return to normal once more. A question hung on the tip of his tongue, but he held it back because he feared speaking would break this fragile moment.

He let his eyes fall shut, trusting Fjord to keep him tethered as he let himself completely submerge in the moment. The hand on his waist pulled him closer, so there was barely any distance separating the two of them. Even in a room full of people, it was easy to fall into the warmth surrounding him like the sun on a cloudless day. Between the radiating warmth and floral scent that always lingered around Fjord, his imagination let him drift to some nameless field of flowers in the middle of summer.

When he finally opened his eyes again, his breath caught in his throat at how beautiful Fjord looked with the chandelier light surrounding him like a fuzzy halo. Fjord's gaze flicked down to his lips for half a second, then returned to holding eye contact with Caleb. The subtle shift of Fjord's head to the side almost caused their lips to brush and Fjord's pulse jump.

“Fjord.”

As his eye slipped shut once again, Caleb let his hand drift up to rest against the back of Fjord's head. Lips brushed tentatively over his own for much too short a time, but still long enough to send a pleasant tingle down his spine. He was so focused on the sensation lighting up his nerves that the next meeting of lips took him by surprise. His fingers gripped the back of Fjord's head to prevent him from moving too soon, earning him a rumbling groan. With only a little resistance, he shook free the hand being held, so he could place it on the side of Fjord's face. 

A palm pressed flat between his shoulder blades, then ran down his spine in a long stroke that pulled a gasp from him. Their lips broke in the process and his eyes opened to find Fjord looking at him with hunger. Not a lustful hunger, but like that of a starving man finally given what he craved and needed to survive. He turned his head to the side to press a kiss to the center of Caleb's palm.

“I should have told you sooner, Caleb. There have been so many times I wanted to, but I never wanted to risk ruining our friendship. You mean more to me than anyone else every has, and that scares me. There's no one else like you. No one as perfect for me as you.”

“Our broken pieces fit together.”

“Yeah, they do.” After releasing a shuddering breath, Fjord reached up to take Caleb's hand again and brought it back into position. “One more dance?”

“Always.”

Despite the upbeat tempo of the music, they slow-danced through the remainder of the song filling the ballroom. As the song drew to a close, Fjord took a step back, letting the hand on Caleb's waist fall away in the process. His hold on his hand moved to allow Fjord to bend down to press a kiss to the back of it. When he straightened up, Fjord offered an arm out for Caleb to take, then gave a blinding smile the moment he looped his arm through it.

Before they could get far, a voice filled his head. “Caleb, we're getting ready to leave. Beau said Fjord would be with you. We're waiting by the entrance for you. You can respond to this message!”

“Thank you, Veth. We will be there in a moment.”

“Duty calls?”

“Ja,” A wistful sigh fell from his lips as he looked back at the couples twirling around the dance floor. “they are waiting for us by the entrance. It seems we are done for the evening.”

“If you wanted to stay longer, we could. We're both adults and we can take care of ourselves. No reason to end the night sooner than you want.”

“As tempting as that offer is, it would not be wise for the two of us to stay. I'm sure there will be other parties.”

“You don't need a party to dance.”

Abruptly, Caleb came to halt that caused Fjord to turn to him in confusion. “Really?”

“We'd sometimes dance on the ship when there wasn't a party going on. We just wanted to, so we did. Mostly, we were drunk, but the point stands.”

“I'd like that very much, Fjord.”

“All you have to do is ask.” A light peak to the forehead followed by a smile sent his heart in a flutter. “Let's get going before the calvary decides they need to come check on us.”

The rest of the walk to the entrance went by in peaceful silence, until the typical noise that accompanied their group reached them. When the others noticed their arrival, they were quickly ushered out the door by those desperate to leave. While they were waiting on the front steps for their carriage, a long shadow fell across the stairs to the right of where Caleb stood leaning against Fjord's side. When he took an instinctive glance that direction, he found Eodwulf watching him with a blank expression.

The instant he noticed Caleb catching him a small smile pulled on the corner of his lips that didn't reach his eyes. A shift in attention to something above Caleb's head tipped him off to the fact Fjord took notice of Eodwulf. The arm in his dropped to his waist like Fjord often did before casting thunder step to get them out of sticky situations. His hand covered the one on his waist to give him something to squeeze as he waited for Eodwulf to make a move.

He thought they would get away with nothing more than a few exchanged glances when the sound of their carriage met their ears. Before it pulled to a stop, Eodwulf took a small step closer to them, but remained well out of arm's reach. His voice barely carried over the rest of the noise filling the night air.

“You make a lovely couple. I hope we don't have to meet again, Caleb.”

“Goodbye, Eodwulf.”

“Good night.”

The gentle press of Fjord's hand against his waist got him moving to the carriage with one last look over his shoulder at Eodwulf. He found himself pressed between Yasha and Fjord for the ride back to the house with Beau across from him clearly staring. While tucking into Fjord's side after he placed an arm across his shoulder, he raised a questioning eyebrow her direction.

“Who was that guy? He just swept over to ask you to dance and you two did that thing where everyone could see, then he ditched you. I thought you were just going to dance, but it turned into a whole thing.”

“That was Eodwulf.” He looked down at his fiddling hands that only stopped when Fjord placed his larger one between them to give Caleb something to cling to. “He was hoping for things to go differently tonight.”

“Were you two...”

“It's complicated. I was, but there were parts of me I kept hidden. I didn't think he would if I told him.”

“So, that was what?”

“Goodbye. We never officially did that. He used to visit me when he had the time, then I got out and... It was goodbye.”

He chanced a glance up at Beau to find her with pursed lips and eyebrows pinched together. “It’s, uh, good you both got closure.”

“Ja.”

“And, we're all happy that it helped the two of you get your heads out of your asses. Please, take your shit to your room. Jester and I don't want to be kept up all night because you're being loud.”

“First of all, that will not be a problem because I am not interested in that. Second of all, I'm more concerned with overhearing the two of you, so my room is definitely preferable to Fjord's.”

“Jessie and I are not loud.”

A snort poorly concealed as a cough from Fjord drew a glare from Beau. “If you don't mind, I can move the shutters down to your room and finally get some damn sleep.”

“The shutters don't even do anything.”

“They do something for my peace of mind, which I am slowly losing because you keep me up at all hours of the night.”

“Did you complain to Caleb about us?”

“No.” Fjord gave a cough and a sniff when Caleb moved his attention from Beau to him. “Maybe. I needed somewhere to catch up on sleep and Caleb has the best room to do that when the rest of you are stomping through the house during the day.”

“Sure. It had nothing to do with you being madly in love with Caleb.”

“Have you ever been in Caleb's room? It's like a magical nap room.”

“It is a good room to nap in. That doesn't matter though. What matters is if you're moving out of your room Jessie can turn it in that art studio she's been talking about.”

“Are you inviting me to stay in Caleb's room for him? That's not how that works.”

Before the two could argue further, Caleb took the opportunity to interject in their conversation. “While that is correct, I would not mind. You spend more time in there than I do. You're welcome to join me if you'd like.”

“Thank you for the offer. I'll keep it in mind.”

“For the sake of your health, I would recommend it, but you're welcome to maintain your routine of napping in the middle of the day.”

“I don't want you to think-”

“Mostly, I'm offering so I don't have to deal with you being grumpy.” When Fjord's nose wrinkled up in annoyance, Caleb pushed up to press a quick kiss to the tip of it. “You're welcome to spend the night tonight. I would appreciate the company.”

“After I change into something more comfortable, I'll meet you there.”

“That sounds good. Very good.”

* * *

A firm knock on the library door settled the nerves that steadily built since he and Fjord parted ways upon arriving at the Xhorhaus. The book that lay open on the table in front of him had gone untouched since he sat down. His eyes and mind wandered too much for him to even read a single page during the twenty minutes it took Fjord to change. Before raising from his chair, he flicked the book shut and took a glance around the room to make sure nothing was out of place.

By the time he reached the door, another knock came from the other side just a touch louder than the previous one. When he opened the door, Fjord's hand hung in the air between them, until he quickly dropped it with a soft smile. A hand ran through Fjord's hair causing it to stick up at odd angles that had Caleb biting his tongue to hold back a laugh. The amusement must have shown on his face because Fjord uncertainly cleared his throat.

“Do I have something on my face?”

“Not at all. Your hair is just a bit porcupine.” Caleb fanned his hand out behind his head, then quickly caught Fjord's wrist as he reached up to pat it back down. “Leave it be. You look very cozy.”

“So, do you.”

“Well, I am prepared for bed.”

A low chuckle rumbled from Fjord's chest that caused his eyes to light up and he features to soften. Fjord reached out a hand to slowly run through Caleb's loose hair, until it reached the end and dropped down to his waist. He took a step closer to Caleb, then pushed the door shut with the back of his heel to give them privacy. Before they could get any farther, Caleb pushed onto the tips of his toes to exchange a kiss. Their lips moved in tandem for several long minutes that soothed the last of Caleb's nerves. 

After they parted, Caleb reached up to caress the soft skin of Fjord's face earning him a soft sigh. “How would you feel about relocating for the evening? As tempting as it is to stay here, I may end up falling asleep standing up if we do.”

“That's probably a good idea. I can't say I'm not in the same boat.”

“To bed then.”

He led Fjord to his room by the hand sending his dancing lights ahead of them to guide their way. Once the door to the bedroom clicked shut behind them, arms pulled him back against a solid chest and a chin settled on his shoulder. Caleb closed his eyes to enjoy the sensation of Fjord wrapping him up to sway them slowly from side to side. The rhythm of their bodies almost caused him to fall asleep like he warned Fjord about, but he forced his eyes open before it overtook him.

“We'll be more comfortable on the bed.”

“I'm comfortable right here.”

“I'd rather not risk concussing ourselves when we inevitably fall over in the middle of the night. It is for the best we relocate to the bed.”

With an exaggerated grumble, Fjord shuffled them the short distance to the bed, then pulled them both down onto it. Their limbs ended up tangled together in the process, but they were able to quickly sort themselves out. While Caleb normally had to look up at Fjord, their heads were evenly placed on their respective pillows allowing him to look the other in the eye without tipping his head back. The dim light from his globules put a soft shadow across Fjord's face that somehow managed to make him look more handsome.

A soft brush of fingers across his cheek drew him out of his own thoughts, which gave him just enough time to register what Fjord had planned. The comfort of being in a safe space allowed them to trade lazy kisses without worry of anyone interrupting them. After Fjord settled his hand on Caleb's waist, Caleb let his fingers dance along the exposed skin drawing intricate patterns. When he reached the top of Fjord's bicep, he began to swirl back down, until Fjord pulled back with a smile.

“What?”

“Nothing really. Enjoying your company, that's all.”

“That's all?”

A hum rumbled out of Fjord's chest as he shuffled a little closer to brush their noses together. “What else would I be doing?”

“People generally sleep in beds.”

“I think we can both agree that neither of us were sleeping, so that definitely isn't on the table as an option.”

“Fair point. We probably should get some sleep. It has been a long day.”

“Are you okay?” Fjord brushed hair out of Caleb's face, then let his fingers tangle in it. “That party ended up being a lot more than we expected.”

“Ja, it was, but I feel... a weight off my chest? There is a lot of my past that still concerns me, but it is nice to have one thing off my chest. I have not gotten much closure with my past-it tends to haunt me-and this was exactly that. It is good.”

“If you don't mind me asking, how long were the two of you together?”

“Oh, that depends on your definition of together. The first time he asked me on a date we were fifteen.”

“Did you like him before that or were you just testing the waters?”

“I liked him before we went to the Academy, but he didn't pay me much mind. There wasn't much about me worth noticing at that time anyways.”

“That doesn't sound right at all.”

“You are biased.”

Fjord gave the best shrug he could manage while pressed into the mattress. “Only a little. That being said, I stand by my statement. I find it hard to believe there was ever a time you weren't at least a little bit interesting.”

“I suppose there's no reason to argue with you.”

“Unless you have solid proof, there's no way you could change my mind.”

“You are ridiculous, Fjord.”

“Maybe. A little.”

A hushed silence fell between them that would've been easy to fall asleep to if he weren't so content to watch Fjord's relaxed face. While Fjord did not lack a sense of humor, it was rare to see him without any weight on his shoulders. He looked soft and peaceful nestled into the dark purple sheets with his hair going all directions and a smile on his face.

“For the record, I think the same of you. I know you prefer this version and don't like to think of the orphan in Port Damali that ended up a sailor, but that is a part of you that led to who you are now. I find it hard to believe there are no parts of you from then that make up who you are now. I would have liked the sailor boy.”

“The sailor boy definitely would have liked you and would have been too nervous to talk to you.”

Caleb stifled his laugh in his pillow, then readjusted his head to be closer to Fjord. “I probably would have been in the same boat.”

“Don't we make quite a pair?”

“Quite.”

As the exhaustion finally hit hard enough he could barely keep his eyes open, Caleb blindly reached for Fjord's hand to intertwine their fingers. Lips pressed against his foreheads that he leaned into before Fjord could completely pull away. Instead of settling back on his pillow, Fjord moved up to rest his chin on the top of Caleb's head. Caleb fell asleep to the gentle contented rumble coming from Fjord as their legs tangled together connecting them from head to toe.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Comments and kudos always greatly appreciated. You can find me on Tumblr ([SociallyAwkwardFoxWriter](http://sociallyawkwardfoxwriter.tumblr.com/)) or Twitter ([@AwkFoxy](https://twitter.com/AwkFoxy)).


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